Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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