Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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