We need to rekindle our bromance
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
