i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
