We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
