ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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