Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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