i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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