it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
