i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
