so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
