Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
