My nipple is on Facebook.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
