I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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