conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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