RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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