I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
