Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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