Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
