Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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