Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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