Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
