Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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