your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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