Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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