I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
