The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
