I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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