My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
