If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
