Cold hands, warm shart.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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