I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
