my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
