i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
