Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
