why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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