hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
