Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
