What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
