i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
