marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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