What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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