I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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