i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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