I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
