I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
