rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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