Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
