i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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