The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
