The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
