im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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