you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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