Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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