i think my mom watched the whole time
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
