I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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