I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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