last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
