So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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