she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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