Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
