The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
