i can't believe i had my finger in that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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