Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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