I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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