I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
