And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
