my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
