I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
