ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
