I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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