You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
