I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
