so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
