How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
