Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
