You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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